Another video by Will with a song of mine

Here’s another video Will U. made using an older song of mine. Yep!

Songs to download!

Hello! Here are a few songs of mine that you can stream or download as a wav file. These are the two I made for Will U’s computer making videos, which you can watch below also. I’ll post some other songs pretty soon also. Thanks for listening!

2010 > 2009

Hello!

So here’s what’s going on –

I finished college and am going to try out substitute teaching pretty soon and see what happens. I’m still recording music, but not with the intention to sell. I’m going to put some songs up on myspace and kristuphil.com/phil sometime within the next few weeks. I’ve been recording music for my friend Will’s videos, and when they are done I’ll post a link so all of you can see them. And when I say all of you, I probably mean a few people. A few songs of mine have been used in videos of his in the past and a couple people asked about where they can hear more of my music, and there wasn’t much up for people to download, except the stuff I released through Blipswitch, and most of those songs sound totally different than what I’ve been working on over the last year or two.

So basically, I want to share songs I recorded that I’m happy with, but not worry about trying to sell them or make a living off of music. Selling and marketing takes about 95% of the fun out of music for me, so I just want to have fun with it and if people like it, awesome. If not, not quite as awesome but I’m still having fun with it. Also, I feel like performing my songs live would be to difficult because they are made up of a lot of programmed drums and layers of simplistic guitar and keyboard parts. And I get very shy and anxious around most people, so putting together a band that wants to play my music would be way too difficult for me. I’ll post some songs up soon, blog about how I recorded them and what I used, and probably some drawings or photos to accompany them.

Thank you very much for reading and listening!!!

How to get our economy back on track

1) People spend too much money. You read me right. Too much MONEY!! Remember that whenever you use a dollar it goes straight to the dump. I know what you are thinking – “Wait a minute Phil. It goes to the bank, not the dump!” Answer – Wrong! Shop and business owners are literally putting all their money into little ziplock bags and bringing them to the dump. Even checks and credit card receipts are getting thrown in there every once in a while also.

2) People aren’t going to the dump often enough. The dumps are liberally FILLED with cash! If you don’t believe me then go to google maps and search for “Dumps full of money.” But be quick, because after the economy is destroyed guess what’s going down next… the internet.

3) Two words – Wall Street. No one else is talking about them, but I don’t care. I think we could all learn something from Pink Floyd and knock that Wall down! And while we are at it we might as well pave over that Street! Billions, no wait, 2 Billion dollars are getting spent by these so called “millionaires” every day. How many people live in the US? Less than a billion? I think my question answers itself.

4) Watch less TV and take walks instead. Hey, you could even have a picnic. I don’t care what you do.

5) Sell, sell, sell! Those stocks aren’t going to sell themselves!

6) Treat your bank account like a hand of poker. Set a limit, and if you go over that limit then it’s time to go home. I know the hotels are cheap in Vegas, but remember that you are still paying for rent even when you are away from home. And unless you live in the desert already, your body will not be able to deal with the dry heat for very long. Believe me. I went there for one day this summer and got super tired. I probably could have drank more water, but it can be a pain to always carry around a bottle. And having one of those camel bags in casinos would just look weird.

7) And don’t forget to have some fun! That’s what we are here for and if you aren’t having a good time then you are doing something wrong.

Part 2 ofThe Tale of Manterfeld of Umberwhichel

The king awoke at the time of our lord as the sun rose before the moon could say its farewells. After a quick breakfast and slow brunch, he turned his head to see if the town he imagined existed in the area he pretended it would be. 

“My friend the wizard! I prayed to God that you would be all that you could be, and I continue to hope for your presence!” the king yelled.

A bright blue wizard arose from the clouds and materialized above the king. “Hello I say to you, my king of neighbors. What could possibly force ye to spend years on the sea just to tell me of your scars?” the wizard asked hypothetically.

“Do not play games with me my magical stranger. For I may be repulsive, but I am still the king of my land,” the king replied. “My fears are no match to your powers, and I wish to lead you to lead me towards salvation.”

The wizard turned his back to the king and closed his eyes. “You know that I shall not speak to you of such matters,” he muttered. “It’s been years and I still don’t think I’ll ever be able to look into your eyes like that again.” He began to walk towards the light, leaving a trail of sand behind him. “Some day you will know how I fell, and this will allow you to battle the duck again.” 

And just like that, he was gone….

The king knew what he had to do, but he couldn’t escape the memories of the days that were once remembered. For forty seven years the only things he could get out of bed for were the daily routines of his life. Eat breakfast, bathe, hunt, lunch, nap, change clothes, hunt, dinner and sleep. The rest of his days were spend in bed, hoping for redemption to fall into his arms.

“Why my lord!? Why do you curse with me such misery?! I have done nothing but praise you every day and night, and all you can do for me is let me praise you,” he began to claim. “All that is left for me is the future, for the past has already gone by.”

Centuries passed by, years escaped through decades, and centuries became decades. Finally, the King destined himself to search for the duck and make amends with the life he has beheld. The King gathered his knights and delivered the speech that has become the words of the angels. “For my knights, as I am the King. I have withheld my fortunes for years to come, and it is now time to make legends out of our actions.” He pulled his sword from his belt and pointed it to the sky. “We will never be forgotten for the things that shall one day pass. I live to make dreams, not nightmares. Awake I shall stand here, there and forever! The privies of our souls will erupt into clouds of beauty and glory! The time has come for us now! Please, follow me into the forest.”

Without haste the King went out into the forest, alone as a man can be; just himself, his courage and his army. The sky turned grey, but his blood ran thick. They reached the exact same spot where he encountered that duck only 457 years earlier after only 4 minutes of journeying. The King looked into the woods and yelled, “Come out from your troubled past my duck! I am ready to meet again, and I ask the same of you!”

Silence….

“There is no duck in these woods,” a voice spoke from the shadows. 

“Who be that?” The King asked. “Show yourself or I will be left with no option but to ask again.” A short old man crept out from behind a grand redwood tree less than ten meters away from where they stood that fateful day. “I am only four feet tall, but I remember what happened here. It was my birthday, and that duck was a gift given to me by God himself. But that duck died over 800 years ago, so it is not possible for you to have spoken to him.”

The King fell to his knees. “So that means……”

The old man took one more step forward and said, “Yes, it is true. There was no duck, only you and your thoughts. You see, your guilt took the form of your ultimate fear. A just King is a fair King, but you my sweet lord were neither, as you now know. I hope you learned your lesson.”

The End!

For learning purposes

So old I can taste it!

Today was a funny day. Not a laugh out loud kind of funny, but the kind that makes you wonder. What if? Do you ever ask yourself that? I do, and it makes me think that very same question. But I’m getting off track, and this isn’t the first time! (!) I woke up around 10, thinking, “Wow, this is going to be Tuesday.” I put on my socks, laced up my shoes, folded up a pair of pants and tucked everything in securely. Before I could yell, “Good Morning!” I was out of the house and in the kitchen. The pantry was full of nothing but grain and poultry, so I opened my mouth and said, “When.” 

‘Time for a change’ was today’s mantra, so to the store I went. Our driveway was covered with at least a dozen separate dollars and cents, so all I could do was call for a cab and hope the operator knew where our house was. After an hour of waiting impatiently for yellow number five, I boarded the craft and waited impatiently for the driver to begin the drive. Immediately we were on our way and with each light post we passed I passed another stone. I wasn’t sad, not even close. I was devastated. 

Ned, the most underrated taxi driver I have ever met, coasted the car into neutral as we reached our destination – the store. I gave him my number and slowly climbed out of the car like a bullet escaping the barrel of a shotgun. It was “Two Many Sales Tuesday” at the local store/shop, and I was ready to take advantage. As I reached for my pocket I noticed something strange; all I felt was my wallet. My pocket was nowhere to be found upon. I quickly looked back and Ned was already waiting to make sure I got into the store safely. All I could do now was go shopping and pray long and really hard that it would all end up ok.

“Hello, can I help you?” The 24-year-old woman behind the counter looked confused and downright perplexed when I asked her this, but I still think I was doing the right thing.
“Um, excuse me? Do you want some help?” she threw back at me like I just completely missed the beginning of our conversation.
I turned my cheek and froze her with the coldest of shoulders, just like Arnold. “No thank you, I’m sorry to have met you.” I had enough of her and her shenanigans, the search had to continue.
Toiletries, camping, pet supplies, etc. Every aisle had something new to offer and I was upright sick of all the excitement. “Finally, it’s about time,” I heard with my ears. I reached the end. 

THE END

LOL out loud

I’ve got some new jokes, wanna read em?

Sweet and Sour Sauce – Is it sweet or is it sour? Make up your mind already!!

Park and go. More like Park and wait for the bus!!

Isn’t it strange that when your leg falls asleep it hurts? It must be having a nightmare!!

I watched Timecop the other day. More like JKVD’s movie career has run out of TIME!!

I just watched the Knicks game. I thought they were a professional basketball team!

10 True Things Your High School Teacher Taught You (and me!)

1. Without an ozone layer, air will escape Earth and leave us with nothing but global warming.

2. Asia and Africa were actually once connected by a little known landmass also known as the Bering Straight, but was removed when homo sapiens developed a frontal lobe and a keen sense of self awareness.

3. Our first President was not actually a President at all. He (or she) was given the golden star of America, which is basically the equivalent to the 18th century President.

4. Sharks eat dolphins, dolphins eat fish, fish eat crabs, and crabs eat sharks, completing the circle of life.

5. The sin wave reciprocated pi once the Pythagorean theorem became legal.

6. Philosophically speaking, time travel is only plausible, let alone possible, when making note that the future is just a relative of the past, present and future, so help me god. 

7. George was married to Gina, but Stan was dating Harold behind Gina’s back while she was also having a secret correspondence with Stan. Harold kissed Jerry with George’s consent, but Gina was kept out of the dark during their three-week anniversary. Stan got married, against his will remember, to Jerry after already getting engaged to George while wishing he was having an affair with himself to get back at Harold. Who gets invited to who’s wedding, and what percentage actually attended?

8. Peter Piper picked a pipe of pickled peppers pecause people picked on Peter in preschool in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.

9. Ghosts only exist if you are scared of them. 

10. Monkeys were once the ancestors of humans, but lost that title when dinosaurs were killed by the big bang theory.

10 Movies I would rent if they existed

Zombies vs. Aliens
3 Cats and a Kitten
Holiday with Hitler
Turkey Trot 3015
Ghosts vs. Aliens
The Goonies Meet the Monster Squad
Bigfoot in Novato
Infinite Inversion
Xbox Alive
The Haunted Time Machine