So old I can taste it!

Today was a funny day. Not a laugh out loud kind of funny, but the kind that makes you wonder. What if? Do you ever ask yourself that? I do, and it makes me think that very same question. But I’m getting off track, and this isn’t the first time! (!) I woke up around 10, thinking, “Wow, this is going to be Tuesday.” I put on my socks, laced up my shoes, folded up a pair of pants and tucked everything in securely. Before I could yell, “Good Morning!” I was out of the house and in the kitchen. The pantry was full of nothing but grain and poultry, so I opened my mouth and said, “When.” 

‘Time for a change’ was today’s mantra, so to the store I went. Our driveway was covered with at least a dozen separate dollars and cents, so all I could do was call for a cab and hope the operator knew where our house was. After an hour of waiting impatiently for yellow number five, I boarded the craft and waited impatiently for the driver to begin the drive. Immediately we were on our way and with each light post we passed I passed another stone. I wasn’t sad, not even close. I was devastated. 

Ned, the most underrated taxi driver I have ever met, coasted the car into neutral as we reached our destination – the store. I gave him my number and slowly climbed out of the car like a bullet escaping the barrel of a shotgun. It was “Two Many Sales Tuesday” at the local store/shop, and I was ready to take advantage. As I reached for my pocket I noticed something strange; all I felt was my wallet. My pocket was nowhere to be found upon. I quickly looked back and Ned was already waiting to make sure I got into the store safely. All I could do now was go shopping and pray long and really hard that it would all end up ok.

“Hello, can I help you?” The 24-year-old woman behind the counter looked confused and downright perplexed when I asked her this, but I still think I was doing the right thing.
“Um, excuse me? Do you want some help?” she threw back at me like I just completely missed the beginning of our conversation.
I turned my cheek and froze her with the coldest of shoulders, just like Arnold. “No thank you, I’m sorry to have met you.” I had enough of her and her shenanigans, the search had to continue.
Toiletries, camping, pet supplies, etc. Every aisle had something new to offer and I was upright sick of all the excitement. “Finally, it’s about time,” I heard with my ears. I reached the end. 

THE END